How about a list for a nice change?

(because after all of four entries, we need a little change, don’t we?)

Things that bug the ever-loving daylights out of me:

1. It drives me crazy when my mother-in-law tells me, for the 867,345th time that I need to be “journalling” all the unique funny things that McPantses says. REALLY? I do? Thanks! She has told me this since the day we told her we were expecting a child. She says she didn’t do it when her children were small and that she still regrets it. Fine. I get that you regret it, woman, but you seem to have retained enough of what your kids said to tell me every time I see you about my husband going door-to-door doing his Jimmy Carter imitation (”Can I have a peanut?”) at age three.

2. I hate it when people take perfectly good nouns and turn them into verbs, willy nilly. (see “journalling” above)

3. Why do people pass you on the road to get to the red light ahead of you? Or does that just happen to me? I am always secretly satisfied when rude drivers get stopped at a red light or when they are rude to everyone on the road, and not just me.

4. Why am I five pounds lighter today (Wednesday) than I was on Monday morning? Is my scale taunting me? How can anyone lose five pounds in three days with no exercise whatsoever and, frankly, a pretty wretched nutritional intake? What can this mean?

I am sure that the list could go on for days, but I’ve now aggravated myself into such a state that I feel the need to eat something from a vending machine.

We are well-stocked on regular dog food, but I need to fetch a new bag of allergy dog food. I am stocked on clean pantyhose, but don’t have any new pairs–for whatever reason, my well-being is greatly enhanced by a stack of new pantyhose in the drawer. We are stocked on diapers and in the midst of the very annoying process of potty-training (If you are capable of using the restroom, wiping and flushing while completely unattended, go thank your mother–or whichever kind soul helped you learn how–right now. Really. Send flowers.), so I am the frequent washer of Dora, Blues Clues and flowered little girl panties. We have nothing for dinner, but I am drawn to a shrimp and grits casserole recipe, which means I need to call a fish dude and ask nicely to have some shrimp peeled by 5 p.m. I am paying as many bills as possible online and we are refinancing our mortgage and switching from a 30 yr. mortgage to a 15 yr. one for not much more than what we are paying right now. An economy in decline can be a good thing for an average schmuck!

We are pretending to be grown-ups this week.

It won’t last. We still need a lifestyle manager.